My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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