Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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