Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
