Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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