Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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