how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
