Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
