he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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