I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
