There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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