I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
