he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
