You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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