SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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