1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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