I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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