im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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