You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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