He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
