yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
accomplished twins. life is a go
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
