everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
