I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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