dude i'm inner monologue high
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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