Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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