In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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