He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
