Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
