I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
