Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need moral support for this bender
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
