Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
