I've blown a few things in my day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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