I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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