I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
