Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize