i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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