if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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