I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
