Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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