omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize