After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
