I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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