dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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