you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
