Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
