I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
