hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
found the other keg... it's in the tree
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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