whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize