I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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