1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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