And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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