Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Come on in and take your pants off
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