I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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