Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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