he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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