Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
