I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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