People in love make me want to vomit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
