K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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