i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
