We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
