Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
