No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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