I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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