sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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