Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
